The wikipedia article on grief starts out:
Grief is a single-faceted response to loss. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social and philosophical dimensions. Common to human experience is the death of a loved one, whether it be a friend, family, or other close companion. While the terms are often used interchangeably, bereavement often refers to the state of loss, and grief to the reaction to loss
My lovely mom is at the final stage of terminal ovarian cancer. No food goes through her GIT, because it's blocked by cancer, and so she gets hardly any nutrition. She's lost another 20 pounds in the last 3 weeks or so. I've never seen her so skinny--I can see the shape of her facial bones more distinctly than ever in my life.
She called me up Wednesday morning to say "This morning when I woke up I felt like God had grabbed hold of my big toe and was pulling on it saying 'Time to come home, Sue.' So I just wanted to say good bye, and I love you, and I'll see you in heaven, and I hope you find a good church so that your lovely amazing little girls will grow up to love the Lord. In case I don't get to talk to you again."
In response to that I cried.
So we went out to hang out with her on Wednesday afternoon. And my lovely Nana Kay was there. Nana Kay is my mom's mom. She must be 80 something years old. She looks a lot healthier than my mom. It must be really hard to have to watch your child die.
I think I'm experiencing grief. I never really had this experience before, so I'm having to feel it out as I go. I'm not functioning nearly as well as I normally do (not that my "normal" is all that brilliant, actually). I'm in my last quarter at school, and I can feel myself seriously screwing up in terms of my grades this quarter, and I can't really seem to care that much (which is no doubt partially a function of the fact that it's my last quarter).
About 5 days ago I texted a good friend of mine "My mom is dying, therefore I hate God. QED."
Today I asked Megan
B: "Do you have to believe in life after death to be a Christian?" She said
B: "But isn't it in the Apostles Creed?"
M: "Oh--yeah, that 'resurrection of the body' bit. But you don't have to believe the whole Apostles Creed to be a Christian. You just have to believe that if you want to work for World Vision or IJM."
B: "Oh. Do you think one could get a job with them if one only believed it very occasionally?"
M: "Well, that would be very honest, to tell them that, wouldn't it?"
My poor dad is very sad, I think. My best objective guess is that this whole thing is not only harder on him than it is on anyone else, but that it's *much* harder on him than on anyone else. How shall I encourage him? I don't know. I'm such a mess myself I'm not really in any postion to encourage him. Alas. They've been married since ... '72, I think. Or maybe '71. Right in there somewhere.