the existence of god

last night I realized again that my lack of belief in/relationship with "god" is still more personal than I generally admit. Usually it's "How could one believe in god in light of the way the world is--in terms of drug resistant TB, AIDS, malaria, weapons of mass destruction, torture, sexual abuse .... if god exists, she must be either too weak or too evil to qualify for the position"

but really what it is is much simpler stuff (Megan finds it so funny when I say "what it is is .... "). life if god is all powerful, and good, and ... therefore interested in Benjamin, then by golly she ought to be able to fix up much simpler little stuff. like letting me win at blackjack, for instance. I mean either god just lets the cards fall the way they do because she *can't* make them fall differently, which makes her pathetically weak, or else she lets them fall that way because she *won't* make them fall differently, which makes her aloof, and thus cruel, because it amounts to her making them fall that way on purpose.

I'm sure them some massive logical or philosophical error in there, or both. but there it is.

(I mean yes, in this example, we do have the casino's well being to consider. but what about other even simpler stuff, like helping that rusted bolt come out without breaking off. and all that other murphy's law stuff.)

blackjack

I honestly can't decide if the only thing worse than being in las vegas is playing blackjack all night at EQC, or if the only thing worse than playing blackjack all night at EQC is being in las vegas.

U.S. Worst ... uh, that is, West Airlines cancelled my lovely 9AM flight out of Las Vegas on this past Monday morning because their stupid plane almost never made it out of calgary earlier because of mechanical problems. The stupid ... bitch (I hope I got this right. Megan's always reminding me: guys are ########, and women are bitches--cause I tend to get confused as to which word goes with which gender...) behind the counter for U.S. Worst was the worst. Here's my reconstruction of our conversation:

Benjamin: So do I at least get a $200 voucher for future travel since I'm having to stay in this city for another FIVE hours?!?

Lady: (with attitude) No! We have the right to cancel your flight and get you out on another flight the same day! No one else is getting a voucher! Why do you think you should get a voucher?!? We're giving you this (piece of crap almost worthless) $5 food voucher for the airport (which *doesn't* cover alcohol, so it's really basically useless!) so you can get some food while you wait (for FIVE FREAKING hours!).

Benjamin: God I hate this city. This city is such a hellhole of a place. There's no place I'd rather not be more. (now did I get that double negative right? reminds me of a funny I saw in a book at University Bookstore a couple months ago. It was in the form of statment and response:

Statement: There are lots of instances in the English language where a double negative equals a positive, but there are no known instances where a double positive equals a negative. .......

Response: Yeah, right

(am I allowed to jump up and down levels like this? I mean they do it in Arabian Nights, but whoever wrote that is probably a better writer than me))

Lady: (with more attitude (not that I don't have some attitude)) Well, we're from this city, and we think it's a very nice city, and I'd prefer it if you'd just keep your opinion to yourself!

Benjamin: Well, I guess it could be worse. We could be stuck in Bagdad or Tiajuana. Although at this point Tiajuana doesn't really seem all that bad....

Thankyou for letting me rant. I don't know anyone from Las Vegas at all. I can't imagine any scenario where a person could both be reasonably intelligent AND like Las Vegas.

god i hate

las vegas.

In this city more blatantly, somehow, than anywhere else, there exists the dichotomy between our rich, ritzy, showy, lit up, clean, perfect, beautiful, glorious, happy, well fed, .... facade; and our poor, filthy, ugly, shredded, despicable, helpless, ... brokenness. It wears on one, perhaps especially one like me, and I sense glimmers of the possibility of me coming to like, and to want more of, and to believe in, the facade. I hate that the worst. it's like the anti-me, coming to gobble me up.

And for you people out there who thing my blog is just too depressing (you know who you are) I found this (I think) pretty freaking gnarly animation of a radial engine from wikipedia (try not to stare at it too long--it has similar powers to Kaa (about whom Kipling writes thusly: "He is very old and very cunning. Above all, he is always hungry," said Baloo hopefully. "Promise him many goats. All this in the story which tells of his powers, Kaa's Hunting, which you can read *now* by clicking on the name, which will take you to that page of the etext from project gutenberg.))

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