Saturday, October 11, 2008

Your advice requested.

Here's the story, in a nutshell: About two months ago, on a whim, I met up with my little sister Kat down in Auburn because I happened to be down there for another reason. She was on her motorcycle. One thing led to another, and soon I was whizzing down the freeway sitting behind her on her motorcycle, going 65 miles per hour.

It was like an ephipany. It was ... like the most ... astoundingly beautiful, amazing, delightful, .... I could go on, but you get the idea. I was thinking "This seriosquilio fucking rocks, where has this been all my life, it is now simply unimaginable to me how I could have wasted the probably 2 to 3 hundred thousand miles of driving I have done in my lifetime on a car, when I could have been on a motorcycle."

So a couple weeks later I was signed up for the evergreen safety council's two day long novice motorcycle rider's safety course. I concentrated, bringing my considerable capacity for learning to bear, and I passed both the written and driving tests at the end of the course with flying colors.

I am currently in the process of buying a used motor cycle which I went and drove the other night for about an hour and which I rather like and which is rather inexpensive, as these things go--kind of a beginner's bike, as it were.

Today I had another revelation. In many different ways, large and small, my lovely super amazing wife Megan has been communicating to me over the past couple months that she is ... very much against the idea of me becoming a regular rider of motorcycles. I think this is mostly being informed by her fear that something bad will happen to me, and is being exacerbated by her fear of the expense involved in buying the bike and the gear I need.

Now I find myself ... "torn" isn't exactly the right word. It's more of a ... wondering. Something more like Tevye with the first pair, Tzeitel and Motel, rather than Tevye with the last pair, Chava and Fyedka.

On the one hand ... This is a *big* "want to" of mine. Lately, whenever I drive anywhere in the van, I'm thinking "I could *so* be on a motorcycle. It would rock. The open air, that astounding feeling of being on the bike, etc. etc."

On the other hand, in the larger picture, my relationship with Megan is *very* important to me. Very very important. And ... marriage and relationship is sometimes about sacrificing what I want in favor of what the other person wants--"deference", as Mike Weeks taught us all those years ago.

And yet on the other hand ....

I could continue back and forth on the hands for some time here. But I think you get the picture, and no doubt you could continue the hands thing yourself for at least a few more paragraphs =).

What do you think I should do?

8 comments:

Mike Edwards said...

That's funny. I finish up the Michigan Basic Rider course tomorrow! My wife's dad is a bike guy, so she grew up with it and isn't weirded out or worried.

My advice--don't do it until both of you are ready to go forward.

stephy said...

You gots to do what you love. Get some good counseling so both of you can deal with it in a healthy way and make sure you both feel heard and aren't trying to control/defy one another.

Victor and Rachel J-L said...

I sort of feel like I should tell you to 'defer' without another moment's hesitation. Relationships have to come first, after all.
But then I also know how much fun motorcycles are! (That's one of the great things about living in Thailand!)
Certainly, you can't under-do the safety equipment. Though that's probably more standard in the US than it is here.
Hmmm, yes, as I write I'm becoming clearer. I'm on the "keep the motorcycle" hand! After all, there are many ways you could die today. And who wants to be ruled by fear?!

PS Sorry Megan...

Joe said...

Listen to the wife.

stephy said...

If you simply defer for the sake of deferring, you kill off a part of yourself. You have to pay attention to what you are passionate about because that is truly LIVING. If you simply defer out of fear, that doesn't feed relationship, nor does it feed your soul.
If you wrestle and compromise, relaetionship and also your soul will flouris. If you wrestle and still defer, these can still flourish. but whatever you do,don't kill off your desire and don't avoid conflict out of fear...

Seren said...

Poor Meg. The trials associated with having worked in an emergency department!! Here is my advice. Think of something you could do, that Megan would not want you to do, and you have total sympathy with her position. Perhaps snorting coke, or taking up bare-knuckle boxing. it won't work if you'd enjoy both of those things. you have to think of something that Megan would disapprove of you doing, and you have complete sympathy with that disapproval. Sit with that for a while - Meg's disapproval, your feelings of agreement with that disapproval. Then move to the motorcycling - Meg's disapproval of that, your feelings about that disapproval. I'd be interested to know how it goes. If you choose to take my advice. xx s.

Anonymous said...

I believe when my mother worked in an ER they used to refer to them as "death machines". I am thankful my husband moved past the motorcycle phase. Very thankful. There are a lot of dangerous activities, but I know of no other except motorcycling where every biker I know has friends who have been killed/seriously injured or paralyzed engaging in said activity. I suppose your wife ultimately cannot control you but it would be very selfish of you to get one.

kat said...

Wow, lots of interesting feedback on this. Moto's are an amazingly fun and awesome thing to do. However they can also be incredibly dangerous and cause serious injury and death. I guess it all comes down to how much risk you want to take and how much fun you want to have before you die, and of course the additional thing to consider in your case is the additional responsabilities you have as a father and husband which can sometimes preclude you from giving in to those risky things that can be such fun. However...my ultimate advice is to convince megan to go to the riding course herself so she can experience in a safe environment how it is and maybe give you both a chance to have some additional diolog and understanding about it. Love you bro